Brother – Husbands

Posted by regina on March 15, 2012 in Opportunity |


Polyandry means plural husbands.  Can you believe that shit? I am a thirty-something diva, and I never.
How could I ever miss something as important as that?  CNN ,Fox news,even Ms. Grace never said a word.  Every talk show in this free world going on and on about polygamy in Utah.
And the Joy Book.  Where these old-ass men keep the names of all their wives and sister-wives.  Keeping names of young girls they’re trying to make marry their Viagra-taking, no-penis-havin ass.
Well, from this day forward, Me — JANINE LACHAE BAKER — starting a “BOYBOOK”. I am going to find me the perfect husband, or should I say, “husbands and brother-husbands.”  It’s my Religion, you know!
Oprah’s going to need a series for what I am about to start.  A sect of women with two or more husbands in the same house — taking care of any and all needs, bringing home the bacon, and cooking and cleaning it too.

Okay, so where do I start?

I need to make a list.  Number one, and most important, is “where do I find not only one man, but more than one?”  Willing to share me and love it.  And how do I separate their qualities?  What is most important?  Sex?  Money?  Looks?
Okay, I need some men that make me feel oh, so desired (like he can’t even get it in before it goes off). And he is ready again in a reasonable amount of time. Or, the man that never walks through my door empty-handed, even if it’s just a pack of strawberry Bubblious.
You know, I spent my life being in Love, or a reasonable facsimile.  Something was always missing. Like, he was broke.  Or he was dumb as a rock. Maybe no sense of humour, of any kind.  No passion.
I could go on and on.  Maybe not in this order, but my point is that it’s something.  So, what to do? What to do?
And that’s when I knew for sure — Plural Husbands!  Brother-Husbands.
Okay, before you go there — I know that it’s not legal.  Not even ethical.  But, what the hell?  No pun intended.
First things first.
I’ve been saving for a house anyway.  I just need it to be big enough for all this love and sex and togetherness.  I think three bedrooms or maybe four, just in case I don’t want to be caught short of space when two just may turn into three Brother-Husbands.
Hmmm  Craigslist, here I come.
First I need a profile that leaves no mistake about what I want, and what I want it for.  And a web page for women that will have a whole lot of info that men will have no clue how to interpret.  This is not about a threesome.  This is about getting and having everthing you need in one household — convenient and safe and clean.
The Brother-Husbands screening will be nothing short of government clearance.  Each husband will need to have their own unique quality, personality, special talent, and such.  There will be testing: background, health, family issues, and mental status.  No “baby mama drama.”  No “down low,” or confused issues.
Yes, there will be interviews and lie detectors involved.
So now, all I have to do is tell my close friends and family.  Yeah.  Piece of cake, right?


ALEX interview at Hank’s

Posted by regina on October 31, 2012 in Uncategorized |

5:55 PM 5/28/2012  Hank’s an Alex

As Janine walked to the  bus stop on the corner of Hotel and Smith,  It was a perfect bright and sunny September morning upper seventies. School had got back in session full swing. Traffic had picked up considerablely, but since I can see the traffic heading for the H1, she is use to seeing traffic at a stand still, she loves living in china town. she can walk or catch the bus, when If she needs to go across the island, she does the park and ride thing. This morning she decided to stay in town, but caught the bus to Fishers on Hotel St to pick up some ink for my printer. It was Monday after all. she  hates rainy days and Mondays, no matter how many double rainbows she see.  Her meeting with Alex wasn’t until later.she called him set up a meeting at Hank’s for later that day, Hank’s is the local hangout in the heart of Chinatown. Alex sounded interesting enough, an thats putting it mildly, but until they had some  face time,  all in all he had smooth plesant voice   sounding very intellectual with flawless english for a asian but he is local so ok,  on the phone, with all the correct answers, but he was only a maybe. she had read his stats, they were ok, no red flags. not very tall, an weight was what my mother would call slight, or puny.This is my first no picture interview.   What happen is they met at Hanks. Alex kinda  slide in the door, like a nineteen sixty-nine pimp all swaggin out an shit, dressed in a double-breasted- light grey pin stripped suit, but it didn’t  look out dated it did at first from afar, once he got up close. she could see and feel he was doing his style and he pulled it off go figure, big wide brim  hat an all. Alex  came in through the curtained entrance, walk right up to Janine an said real low an slow.”Aloha, my name is Alex, pretty lady an you must be Janine”. Alex then  said “its very nice to make your accquaitance, can I offer you something from the bar, anything at all champagne,maybe.”Before she could reply, he had signaled Penn, the regular bartender, Alex  had pulled up a chair.        Sometimes she is just overwhelmed by how much men immersed themselves in a role just to get in, Alex was good very good at” putting on the ritz “she never put much stock in a first meeting or second meeting, she watch for little changes, attitudes, body language, it easy, go for a drink, watch for red flags, small things, like if he comments on how he can get a bottle  at ABC store an drink alday for the price of a just one cocktail,(can you say cheap!) or is a man thats loud or rude to service people over little things. etc, any who. Alex acted just right for a first meeting, lets see after acouple more. she have to be on her alert, Brother  husbands is so so very important, mistakes or going to be made, this is her first time.  now she cut this short an set up another date/interview. With Alex.      After my quick drink at Hanks she said her goodbyes to her brother husband maybe Alex, she didn’t even stop an take time to say goodbye to some of her  hangout buddies, the locals that she’d met over the years. she needed to get back to her condo, jot some notes maybe, call Nahala, fill her in on her latest interview. although not much to tell. Nahala had been scolding her lately about aways picking the pretty men. Men built like they have carreers at the gym, Nahala said I have lost site of my goal of having a diverse array of brother-husbands,an to remember that I am building a perfect man in three or four,  looks or only one part.( smarts street and otherwise or a must. and I need a man that is humble, Brave(heart) courages, loves himself an can burn( master chef.)an sexually apt.and so Nahala decided for me, as per usual, that I interview some less attractive or as she says some not so cute brother husband  hopefuls.Look at some whole application and look at the pictures last.( Oh my this is gonna be fun)!


Chapter Three Oh MY!

Posted by regina on October 10, 2012 in another brother-husband |





As Janine left her seventeenth floor condo, with the gorgeous view, that vantaged both the ocean and the mountains,simultaneously, Nahala, Janine BFF was driving toward Chinatown to meet her closes friend she was so glad Janine had called her so soon after what happened the night before. Of course, she knew she still had a whole lot of “explaining to do.”  With Janine just working afew blocks away in the legal aide office, as a avocate for the homeless, she kinda storta set her own hours. Janine had worked  there since she came out of  UHCC, where she studied social work. When she realized she could move around and not be cooped up inside and make alot more, plus get money via overtime to boot well…no-brainer “right?” I’m not quite sure when the “Brother-Husbands” Idea came about. I remember one minute we are BMW(,bitchin, whinnin,moanin) about the lack of any simbulance of dateable men,of a certain age, young or old, To watching an episode of OPRAH, men married to and living with more than one woman at a time (sister wives).  Whatever! What started out as yeah right, haha, like that’s gonna work until all of them start PMS-in at the same time. Ole-boy gonna be in trouble…to okay maybe he’s got the right idea. that’ll work for me, a little bit of this and a little bit of that. hmm.         “Janine, thanks again for not completely disowning me as your best friend, Nahala said as she hugged he friend, because I should’ve tipped out the closet instead I just jumped out of the closet on you.      “Don’t waste another thought on that. You still my girl. But Brother-Husbands is my priority right now and everything else is secondary. You said you want to help me, and that’s all I needed to hear.”        Janine felt her eyes fill up,but she refused to shed any more tears. Like she said what the hell is she crying about anyway.” She had business to tend to,and it was time to do what Ms Jazmine Sullivan said: “Lions and Tigers”  It was time she stepped up to the plate and did whatever she had to do, so she could make sound decisions.       Nahala and Janine walked for a few minutes in silence, headed to the legal department, but then Nahala spoke.      ” I’m glad you decided to check all the legal aspects, because you just can’t take any chances.  Not without knowing the legal facts an remafacations in all of this.”      ” I know. I sort of doubt that there will be any legal presidence on this,maybe only religious, I need power of attorney documents, insurance policies,and marriage information, just to be sure, I figured it’s better to be safe than sorry.”       “Trust me, it’s a smart move.”Nahala said.    Another minute passed, and then, out of the blue, the plethora of it hit Janine like a tsunami.” I am so sorry to keep bringing this up,”she said,” but can you believe what I am about to do, three  husbands at once? Maybe four.”     Nahala sighed.”It’s like I told you before,I’m just as surprised as you are.”    “I feel so surreal. Like, I’m dreaming waiting to wake up.”    “But you’re not. Nahala said Some things are just crazy enough to work,and you can’t help but feel a little crazy for trying it. And anyway, it’s not like it ain’t already going on somewhere. How open or you planning to be with this.?”     “Wide open, but I have to admit the more I think back over the last six months, there were a few times, I made an extra appointment or two with Mr D. Hollins my therapist. Just checking. for signs. something that would have told me I have truely lost my F-in mind.     “Like?”     “Well, for one thing, I have been dating more than usual. Not every day, but more often then not. Then, about six months ago, I all of a sudden decided to join a multitude of dating sites. Which I didn’t think was an issue, because I work to much to meet datetables men. Working mostly with the homeless, and I figured it was because I’m turning thirty-five AGAIN.”  Nahala   “I could see that, because I’m feeling that way right now.”      “And so am I, and I’m sure it’s because we’re both turning thirty-five again. I know I”m feelin kinda crazy right now. But the only thing I’m thinking about now is that I am obsessed with Lex, a woman. I mean, I go to a bar pick up a hottie. For what I thought  to be a one-nite-stand. We get in bed, he rocked my world with oral, turns out he’s a she, an I’m not mad. You know the rest. and you mad.”      “Amazing. Not typical for a girl who’s strickly dickly. or should I say WAS strickly dickly.”     “But you know what’s sad?”    “What’s that?”    ” From before I can remember, I had a hidden fear I may be a lesbian. For whatever reason,I considered the idea that because I’ve never gotten married. are even lived with a man,or wanted to.”     “Janine nothing is wrong with that. A lot of people havn’t married,or wanted to for some reason are another,they not gay.”      Janine shook her head in bewilderment and looked out at the ocean. Once again, she wished, her and V were closer. Then she would ask her about her sexual wonderments. Because they are so close in age and personally, so why aren’t they close? She would give anything in her power to be able to share all this crazyness with her only sister. Vanessa is so bright and her sense of humor is glorious. She’d be crackin up over this every step of the way. we’d all laugh until we’d bout peed.     After they started walking back toward the condo, Janine realized they still had a little time before she was to meet with “Brother-Husband” hopeful number six,Alex,So Nahala suggested they stop in Micky D’s down on Marin for a quick frappe caramel, so what about that?      ” To be honest, I’m sort of apprehensive, about meeting this Alex guy.”      “But why? I thought you had checked him out already.”      ” No. he is a referral. No picture.”      “Your #1 rule you don’t take referrals.”      “Rule # 2 they must have a picture.”      “Then as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing else to talk about.  I’m going with.” An you are havin a frappe.      ” So I suppose, you my man now bitch!      “Exactly.”      Janine smiled,and after walking another block they stopped in MickyD’s and Nahala was feeling safe again in their friendship. It was just after 3pm. way past lunch, but still a good number of people sitting at tables. But we are in Chinatown, Thankfully, and we’re in Hawaii. we’re eating outside.     “So, what you want?” Nahala started in immmediately.      “I think I’ll just have a carmel mocha frappe.”    Nahala looked at her with a ” I don’t think so” sort of look and then back toward the woman at the counter. “We’ll have two side salads and two carmel mocha frappes.”      The cashier punched everything in and asked, “Will that be all?”      “Yes,”    ” Then that’ll be $ 11.75,” the girl said, and Nahala paid her with a twenty-dollar bill and waited for change.  Then they stepped aside to wait for their order,as soon as it was up, they headed back outside toward the first table they could find.     “Yo, why don’t we see if there’s garden seating. Especially since its stop raining”    “That’s cool,” Janine said, and couldn’t help thinking how she had just met one of her hopeful here last Friday for a quick bite to eat.     “Here’s one,” Nahala pointed out an empty table in a nice shaded area facing the moutains, the each took a seat.     But as soon as they did, Janine looked over at one of the tables not to far from them and choked.     “What?” Nahala said.    But Janine was to busy trying to swallow to say anything.    “What? Nahala repeated, and then turned all the way around in her chair. “Who the hell is that?” after seeing the most beautiful man ever, he’s like a black greek god.”Please tell me he’s a hopeful.”      Janine still didn’t repond, and just at that moment she and Albein made eye contact. He stared for a few seconds and then looked away, and Janine could tell he reconized her.    Nahala, on the other hand, was drooling.”I ought to go tell him about-” Janine didn’t let her finish her sentence;she was out of her seat and over at the table without even realizing it.    “Aloha,I’m Janine, we almost met at Dillingham dry cleaners. a while back.    “Janine? Please to meet you,” I’m Albein. and your friend is?” he said looking up at Nahala. Janine wanted to tell Nahala to close her mouth. But instead she said oh thats my girl Nahala,” Nahala this Albein.”






Chapter 1- Lets get this party started…

Posted by regina on March 14, 2012 in Uncategorized |



Janine sat on her lanai, admmiring the hawaiian sunset.  This has been one hell of a month, was all she could think.  Of course, she’d been working at this for over six months, and still she had a long long way to go. It didn’t seam real,and the more she replayed the big picture outlook around in her brain, the more it sounded like a made for TV reality-show–Househusbands of Hawaii.


She was now putting all the charactors in their perspective roles, but she wasn’t sure who to cast first, although she summised first thing she needed to do was call her realtor, an best friend, Nahala, at her office in Pearlcity. Janine doubted her bff would be in the office at this hour. but her smart phone is like her third hand. i phone, she does not have to even see her office.


Janine watched  as the last of her gorgeous sunset made its finale decent, then she stepped inside her lavish master suite, an dialed Nahala’s number again, her friendly voice mail came on with a cheery bussiness “Aloha “and a playful “What’s up” Hmm, Janine, thought she usally picks up right away. It was after office hours, but just right for showing potenial properties. Still Janine left her friend a quick message.


“Hey, Nahala its Janine.  What you got for me bestie? okay girl later.”


Janine ended the call, but took her cell with her into her master bathroom knowing that as soon as, an before she could sitdown, it would begin her ringtone, her favorite  motown classic. Now she was so hyped about her crazy plans. also very anixous to get this Brother-husband party started. She was finnally starting to feel more excited an adventurous as the seconds passed, and now she couldn’t wait to tell her friend everything.



No piece of cake. Finding three husbands.

Posted by regina on October 23, 2011 in Uncategorized |
When I first discided to search out my would be Brotherhusbands. I said, “piece of cake,” well it wasn’t, from screening potential husbands, to doing interviews,to hiding all of it from my family and most of my friends. It was not only harder than Hell but damn near impossible, folks in my family are just down right nosy. I was doing interviews at first disguised as dates. I am single. My family do know that I date. I am have my profile on Match, Yahoo, and the Fish one…….. I lost count. I have so many profiles out. Have looked at just as many, that is probably when I got this idea. In every man each has a special something about him. That if I could just put some of those qualities together and have one perfect man. Ummm. I had already made my list, you know THE SECRET MS. OPRAH was talk showin. Then things really got crazy or should I say crazier. From lying applicants to ones that are just down right delusional.. These are not young men they’re 30ish and up. They had to be lying all their life. And I have learned that people are never sneaky in only one area of their life.





Hoku means STAR. babyboy is most certainly that…..

Posted by regina on October 27, 2009 in Uncategorized |


Okay, got my new sofa today. The delivery men were interesting. They looked kinda young. But looks are decieving. Age ain’t nothing but a number. an all that jazz, Hoku caught my eye or maybe I should say he caught my ear. With a voice so smooth and calming it would melt chocolate And I love me some chocolate carmel chocolate. His eyes were deep color pools of brown,green, amber, a color that can only be discribed as delicious. The man OMG skin was the color of carmel, I wanted to lick him. Living on an island you see alot of mixes, four or five different ethnicity. Sometimes just the right mix and you got a ethereal child.

So new sofa in place. I asked delivery guy Hoku, what other kinds of chores could he do, he just smiled, I knew he was use to being asked loaded questions. I explained to him I was just moving in an would maybe need help with odds and ends. I ask him if he was handy in more than lifting furniture,he smiled again, then I asked for is cell number, if he would be so inclined. Can you believe, babyboy pulled out a card. I was suprised an pleased in the same instant. Now. him I could work with.


Another brother husband hopeful JD

Posted by regina on October 23, 2009 in Uncategorized |


Sitting on my balcony. At the end of a very long hot I’m glad the fuck its over) Monday. Waiting for Jason-Dion. JD for short. I must be suffering heat stroke. I haven’t even met this man,and I have already turned his name to an acronynm. I flipped his name around like he was kin…… Some how, after reading over his file. I felt as if we had already met. So, Mr JD. lets see what’s up with you? Shit now I’m talking to myself. I am tired. My condo trips me out we can’t buzz people in, we have to go down, and personally escort visitors in, ain’t that some ghetto mess? I don’t know how many times? Its been brought up at the condo associations meeting. As much money we paid for being up in this micky flicky we should have a f..in doorman.


On the way down, to escort in my Brother-husband hopeful. as ms Patti Labelle would say….. “I check my hair and I checked my drag”( you know from her song ‘if you don’t know me by now’) I’m thinking Patti girl, what the hell is a drag? I forget Ms Patti fast when, I get to the lobby and I see, a very well built brother maybe six feet, ahundred and eighty pounds or so, in an armani suit. I’m a little impressed…… Ok,I am a lot impressed. but what I couldn’t figure out who? or why, the other man standing next to him, with his back to me, was wearing the exact same armani suit? By the time I reached the door, and the second, Mr armani suit, turned around. I see that these two, men are, as identical as their armani’s. I am not easily shook, and this was no exception. I swear. I opened my mouth to say hello, nice to meet you. So why in the hell? did “NOW THIS COULD WORK“!!!! come out my mouth?.


So I Had A Good Day…….

Posted by regina on October 20, 2009 in another brother-husband |

  Albenn: Now what can I say about Al. Greek-God Just would not cover it.when I first saw Al all could say is Thank You Jesus. I mean the man was just that fine and heading in my direction. So what did I do? I discreetly wipe the drool off my lips carefull not to smudge my ten dollar 16-hour Mac lipgloss, stuck my girls(boobies) out and up as far as I could, sucked my stomach in as far as I could. Looked up in time to see him get in his car and drive right pass me.You’ll need to get a grip, of course I met AL. I already told you his name. Just so happen my girl Linda was waiting parked right behind where his ride had been parked, That’s why she’s my girl. She can smell a fine man. she said “Pheromones” WTF is a pheromone. works for me. any way she had the motor running an half way from the curb before the girls were back in. And my stomach was back in its comfortable position. this is twice in a few minutes I had to say THANK YOU JESUS. Linda and I looked at each other and Simultanously said follow that man. As luck would have it traffic was light. And is was a Saturday so we were stalkin the hell out of this awesome speciment of a man. luck again he just went up the road a piece pulled into the Dillingham shopping plaza. Parked in front of in front of the neighborhood dry cleaners with his little dry cleaning bag. umm tall and a cute booty. I jumped out of my girl Linda’s ride before it even stopped. grabbed Linda’s jacket she always kept in the back seat of her car. Linda was loudly, yelling where are you going? and why you got my jacket? I stopped and said in the cleaners, and this coat needs cleaning its filthy. Before she could say “no its not” .I accidently on purpose dropped it in the big mud puddle as I jumped out her car, I was standing in. scooped it up. and headed straight for my new brother-husband.Just in time to see him get back in his car and drive right pass me.

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